I wonder how many of us have felt awful for shouting at our children whilst attempting to follow a gentle parenting approach. I wonder how many of us feel bad for moaning, some days hating every second of this job as a parent and wanting/wishing we were far far away on a beach without a child in sight...
To me, these feelings are normal and it doesn't mean I don't appreciate my children. Everyday I realise how lucky I am to have been given this gift. It also doesn't mean I don't realise that children can often only express their feelings in an age appropriate way such as crying screaming and hitting, and that is totally normal. What it does mean is I'm human. I do not have enough patience and tolerance to keep it together 24/7 every day and I admit that. There are days I have had to take myself away into a room to calm down (often with one or both children following me), there are days where I am positively crap at being a parent and have to apologise to my children for being so crap, and there are days where all I want to do is just cry, jack it in, go back to "work" and let someone else deal with my kids.
I have read so many books surrounding gentle parenting. They are fantastic, the tips work and everyone is happy, feeling great and as a parent you finally feel you are doing a good job... Then you add another child into the mix, or circumstances change and you have to get them to school or pre-school or both. The books are great as long as you don't actually have anyone else to deal with or anywhere to be!
Today, there was an incident on a gentle parenting group. It's a lovely group full of like minded mums who are just trying to raise their children as gently as they can. Many of us are screwing up along the way and some days have to have a good old rant to get ourselves back to where we want to be. Very occasionally, like today, you get a parent doing the big announcement that they are leaving because "its too negative". Why do the big announcement? just leave! All it then does is make everyone else, who has ever moaned, feel like shit. "We really should be enjoying every second" we all think. "It must be me, I'm a bad mum, it looks like I don't love my kids"... I admit I was thinking the same and was actually quite pissed off.
I have now calmed down and taken a step back. Many of the gentle parenting books I have read stress how important it is to acknowledge your child's feelings and allow them to express their feelings. Yet some parents feel it's somehow bad to allow yourself to do the same? This makes little sense to me. Whilst I am not proud of the fact I raise my voice, say stupidly unkind things at times and totally go off track, I am being me. I would rather be congruent with my children, apologise when I screw up and for them to know I'm not perfect. I want a relationship with them built on trust. I don't want to be a fake "perfect" mum never showing her feelings.
Parenting can be hard, its so hard that some days it's impossible. None of us have gone into this with training or experience and its not a job you can quit if you find yourself pretty rubbish at it. All we can do is our best, acknowledge where we screwed up and try a bit harder next time.
So for anyone else who is on a group judging those other mums for having a tough time, look long and hard at youself. What right do you have to judge anyone? You have no idea what is going on in their life. Carry on being that perfect parent to your child and let other mums moan, winge, cry and reach out for the support of fellow mums who are often struggling aswell...
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