How many times have you heard "enjoy those moments, they grow up so fast"? and how many times have you felt guilty for really not enjoying those moments even though you "should" be?
As you can probably guess from my earlier blogs, I don't find parenting easy and I'm the first to admit that. Infact, I find it near on impossible some days and wonder why the hell I decided to stay at home and raise my boys full time as some days I long for that break at "work".. that cup of hot tea, that pee in peace and the fact you can finish a conversation without speaking so fast only parents with children understand you.
Now, I'm not a baby person. I've never really been a baby person and, although I loved my boys unconditionally when they were babies, those days didn't do a great deal for me. I loved the babywearing (still not a fan of that word), and I loved the times when they were fast asleep on me without a care in the world, but if I'm totally honest, the hard times did tend to outweigh the good. When I had been up all night, dosed up on pain relief jigging a colicy baby whilst crying my eyes out thinking "I can't do this", I wasn't "enjoying that moment", I was thinking "just bloody sleep, I need sleep as I will be up in an hour anyway to run after Ollie!" Maybe having a small person "need" me so much and depend on me so much is just not for me.. I actually don't want to be "needed". So the baby days were hard for me...
We then moved on to the toddler stage. Now this is a stage I loved. Everyone goes on about "terrible twos" but I really didn't find it that bad. I knew they were too little to really "get it" so I was pretty chilled out and just enjoyed those moments. Gosh, I've just realised there was a moment there I was "enjoying those moments". Anyway, those days were fun (inbetween the occasional breakdown coping with two... see previous blog).Then came the 3's.. Noone tells you about three year olds, why don't they tell you about three year olds? I will tell you why.. You would never have children if you knew what was about to hit you. The "threeanger years" someone once called them. This is when everything you think you can implement as a parent you can't. All those gentle parenting techniques you read about are no longer working. Your three year old has a voice and will use it. When they are two and say "no", you think its kind of cute, when they are three and say "no I will not do that" It's not so cute. Now there are couple of books that I found really helpful, one being called "playful parenting". This book works. It turns a positively crappy situation into a fun situation and gets results. However, there are days, you are tired, run down, fed up and can't be arsed with running around acting like an idiot being all bubbly to get that result. There are days where all you want to do is just jump on a plane, travel far far away and leave everyone at home to fend for themselves. BUT remember "you should be enjoying those moments as they grow up so fast".
Then comes the school years (aged 4 and 5). Now I was considering homeschooling, but bearing in mind I was on the verge of breakdown from having two young children, I felt this may top me over the edge. I hate to say it but, selfishly, school was a break for me. Again, this is something that people forget to mention to you; that lovely child that has come through the threeanger years and is now a lovely 4 year old will become tired, angry and will be saying things that you didn't teach your child. You feel you have slightly lost your child. (you will also realise that if you followed an unconditional way of parenting, that all goes out the window when in the school system.. sorry). So you are now at the stage of your parenting journey where you get the really shitty bits of the day. The trying to get them ready and out the door for school and the major meltdown after schools. BUT remember "you should be enjoying those moments".
Now mums and dads, don't feel bad for not enjoying those moments. Parenting is hard and there are days you may even think to yourself "what the hell have I done?" That's fine.. that's normal. Parenting is a rollercoaster of emotions and there will be good times and bad times and it's ok to say "actually, I am not enjoying this stage" You don't love your children any less.
One last point though, if one more person says "wait until they become teenagers, this is nothing", I am likely to punch them...
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