This is a risky blog. It's risky as it has the word breastfeeding and formula feeding in it. Why has life become so crazy that these two words together evoke such negative emotions amongst us mums? My guess is guilt, unnecessary guilt. If the mum is happy with her decision she is unlikely to feel bad angry and defensive.
I've both formula fed and breastfed. With my first I ended up formula feeding from day 5 and my second I breastfed for 2.5 years. I was so proud to reach that milestone with my second but could I shout it from the rooftops? No way, what if I offended someone? Could I be bothered with yet another breastfeeding v formula feeding debate with the same old crappy points being made? No! There was also the fact that many ignorant people out there believe its "weird" breastfeeding after 6 months but that's for another blog..
First time round I felt so guilty for "failing my baby". It was a standing joke that every time someone mentioned the "B" word I would break down in tears. When pregnant, with my second baby, I decided to go to a support group. The first thing we had to do was talk about the benefits of breastfeeding. Suddenly I became that defensive mum. "My Ollie is fine, he is just as intelligent as your baby, I haven't damaged the most important thing in my life" How dare they! I didn't go back...
As my second pregnancy progressed I started to really research and get informed about breastfeeding. I learnt about the issues that could arise, I learnt about the support out there (NCT, La leche, breastfeeding cafes), I learnt about the science behind breastfeeding and I also learnt about formula advertising and how unbelievably unethical these companies are. During my research I had a light bulb moment when I read just how few ladies cannot physically breastfeed (around 5% or under I believe). It was then I realised that I hadn't failed, my body hadn't failed, the shitty non existent support had totally failed me. I felt a sense of calm, I could finally accept what had happened and I did what I did at the time with the support and knowledge I had. When you know better you do better.
Now, don't get me wrong, if a mum doesn't want to breastfeed that is her choice. There will be reasons for that decision, which maybe physical or emotional, and noone should be judging her for that, but for those mums who do want to breastfeed again after a disastrous first attempt; YOU DID NOT FAIL, YOU CAN BREASTFEED, get informed, get support in place, be stubborn and have faith in your body but most importantly, be happy with your decision, whatever that may be...
You should be able to shout both from the rooftops. You didn't get the support you needed the first time, but you mastered a different feeding system, probably one you hadn't planned on doing, you may have set aside dearly-held ideals and dreams of mothering in order to put your child's immediate needs first, and you still held true to your parenting values. That was a win on so many levels, in spite of a change of plan.
ReplyDeleteWith your second, you were prepared ahead of time, you met your goals, and didn't let your first experience shut down your options. So instead of letting yourself get wrapped up in guilt and blame, you took that experience and made it work for you and your child. Victory.
Very true! At the time it's hard to see beyond the guilt. Thankfully, I am now out the other end.
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