What not to say to a parent who's child won't eat..

I thought I had a fussy eater with my first child until my second came along. Now just to clarify, a child who is a "fussy eater" is not the same as a child that will hardly eat anything. By "anything" I mean they probably have a diet which consists of a handful of different foods. That's one handful, not the odd piece of fruit and veg they won't eat even though they have a perfectly good diet otherwise!

Over the last few years I've heard it all. These are honest people trying to help which I really do appreciate, but unfortunately it doesn't help. I'm sorry to say this, but it quite honestly makes me feel even more angry that they don't have a clue what I am going through. So here is a list of things NOT to say to a mum with a child who won't eat:

"They all go through fussy phases" This is not a "phase" this is years of refusing point blank to eat anything healthy at all!

"Just don't offer him anything else, there has never been a child who has starved themselves yet" OK... am I going to be the parent that does actually starve their child? My child is tiny, he doesn't have a great deal of back up weight. I will not be putting this theory to the test, social services may have something to say about that!

"Have you tried pureeing veg/hiding veg/not making an issue out of food/reward charts/eating at the table, getting him involved in making the dinner etc etc" Of course I bloody have! I've had years of a child that won't eat, do you honestly think I've sat on my arse and thought "you know what, I won't try anything new" I've tried the lot! 

"Oo a biscuit, will he eat his dinner?" No he won't, will this biscuit give him a few calories to stay alive? maybe it will.

Mums who are going through this are bound to relate to feelings of helplessness and feelings of failure. We started off well and fed our children a healthy diet, we may have even judged those mums feeding their kids crap. We long for our children to eat healthily and to be those children you see plastered over facebook  with a bowl full of fruit. Many of us dread meal times, we do whatever we can to get our child to eat even if this means chasing them around a room counting down the mouthfuls whilst being aware that we "mustn't make a big deal out of mealtimes".

I've no idea where it all went wrong, maybe that one biscuit when he was younger to stop the tantrum whilst attending to my older child, was the start of this nightmare. Who knows? What I do know is the best thing to say to a mum who has a child that won't eat is "I feel for you, it must be hard" or even just listen and don't judge them when they are giving their child what you would consider is unhealthy crap. We are fully aware of it's nutritional value, thank you very much.