Leading up to the birth of Ollie, I can't say I really prepared a great deal. I knew I wanted a gentle water birth and I knew I would breastfeed but what I didn't realise was I needed to get informed about birth and breastfeeding beforehand. So in November 2008 I went "overdue" and had a sweep like most people do, I thought that was just what you had to do. The sweep was horrible and Ollie passed mechonium that night. To cut a very long story short (as I was in labour for hours). I was induced, waters broken, put on a drip and surprise surprise ended up with a c section. I was in hospital for 5 days and had hardly any breastfeeding support. On day 2 (before my milk came in) the midwife said I should "top up". I thought I was starving my baby so agreed. Needless to say, this was our breastfeeding relationship doomed. By day 5 I was bottle feeding. I had many mums and midwives telling me it's fine but felt so much guilt which continued for over a year.
In 2010 I fell pregnant with Harrison. Again this happened very quickly so it's clear that, although my bowel is shot to pieces, my reproductive organs were fantastic! My first thought was "shit how will I cope?" Whilst looking back Ollie was actually pretty easy (he only woke once!) he was never going to be that child that just sat and played with toys. This time round I became obsessed with having a natural birth and even more obsessed with breastfeeding successfully. I hired an independent midwife and was set for a homebirth. Unfortunately the odds were stacked against me as I had a low lying placenta and was told "it won't migrate". I was very stubborn (unlike me) and told them that it may migrate and I will not be booking a section. At 38 weeks I had a scan and amazingly it had migrated enough to "try". I decided to go into hospital with my independent midwife as my doula. Hours of labour later I got my VBAC. Unfortunately Harrison decided to shoot out so caused a lot of trauma and my recovery was even worse than my section. I was in hospital for a week and again had awful breastfeeding support. Luckily I was so determined that I got through it. Formula was not an option for me so it just had to work and it did.
So the next few years were a bit of a sleep deprived blur. Harrison would just hang off my boob all night long so I got about 2 hours unbroken sleep if that. Matt was fantastic and helped as much as possible but because he didn't have boobs it was hard. Harrison refused any type of bottle or dummy and I had no energy to persevere and maybe a part of me didn't want him to take to it. He was in the sling for 5 months solid (literally) and I even questioned whether he would actually develop properly. I really shouldn't have worried though as he was walking the day he turned 10 months and was ridiculously early at talking (and no I am not that boasting parent you see). At 2.5 years I had finally had enough of breastfeeding (and lack of sleep) and decided to tell Harrison they had broken which he just accepted without tears. Prior to this I had tried all of those gentle weaning methods you read about. Not one of them worked!
Going from one to two children was a shock.. It was more than a shock, it was a bloody nightmare that nobody could possibly prepare you for! I say "nightmare" but what I really mean is it was the hardest job I have ever had to do EVER! There were days where all I could do was just survive, there were days I'd be sobbing as I had no idea how one person is suppose to even keep two small humans alive, let alone enjoy the experience. Of course there were good times but if I'm totally honest, all I wanted was for things to get easier. I would say 4 years on and we are finally getting there now. My boys fight (a lot) but I can now wee in peace occasionally (when they are at school and pre-school). I was considering home schooling but I think I'd end up having a breakdown! At least they now sleep!
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